Toilet Paper Token Wipe Paper
A roll call for all true believers!
DISCLAIMER: This article and its contents are an April Fool’s joke, the
Toilet Paper Token does not exist. The evolution of modern day
toilet paper has come a long way. Before the invention of the double,
triple-ply squares, human civilizations used a wide range of objects that could
be sharp and even dangerous to their anatomy. Throughout the years, rocks, corn
cobs and pieces of wood were utilized, while softer solutions, like communal
sponges were used by the ancient Romans. The wealthy preferred fabrics like wool
or lace that posed less of a threat to the body’s vulnerable parts. The
modern-day concept of toilet paper was conceived in China in the
6th century. When paper became mass produced, newspapers were widely distributed
and reused as toilet paper. Commercial toilet paper made a splash
on the scene in 1857. Marketed as a medical product that prevented hemorrhoids,
they were priced at a modern equivalent of $12 for 500 sheets. Although modern
industrialization has been able to successfully produce toilet paper for
decades, the alarms sounded by the COVID-19 pandemic have made toilet
paper a commodity of extremely high demand — so high, in fact, that it was out
of stock in stores worldwide and caused societal unrest among
customers. In November 2019, toilet paper consumption was at about
10 billion rolls per month worldwide, with an average of two rolls
purchased per month for personal use. Due to corona, rates have increased
by one roll per person on average (monthly), with quarantine and stay at home
notices by the government that subsequently have forced citizens to
purchase more toilet paper for home use. By late February 2020,
roll usage skyrocketed to 15 billion rolls globally. TPT utilizes “smut
contracts” to keep track of the total number of rolls that users
(hereafter referred to as wipers) have purchased, and also maintains a
record of how many rolls you are guaranteed. With TPT, users can purchase
toilet paper online to avoid increased exposure to ‘Rona and take
advantage of the Ply Count algorithm that calculates how much
toilet paper each household is entitled to receive. The
implication of this system is no more hoarding or grocery store fights for the
last set of rolls. Should stores run out of stock, TPT holders will be
the first customers to be notified of restocking the preferred customers to
receive supplies. Holding TPT ensures wiper integrity and the fair distribution
of toilet paper worldwide, which ultimately contributes to TPT’s mission:
saving humanity from regressing downwards to the first two levels of Maslow’s
needs hierarchy. Our dignified roll is to maintain our position at our rarefied
spot at the “turd level,” where love and belonging abounds. In order to buy TPT,
interested wipers must register and take the Ply Count Quiz, which will
determine the amount of TPT they are entitled to purchase through the use
of the Ply Count algorithm. The quiz questions will range from the number
of members of your household to the existence of preexisting gastrointestinal
issues. Once you get your allocation of TPT, you can redeem the tokens
for toilet paper. When you have used all of your tokens, our
patented Ply Count algorithm will allocate the amount of tokens you are
able to purchase to restock. 1 TPT = USD $1.64 Market crap: $85,583,000,000
Total supply: 8 billion Scattering supply: Dynamically issued in response
to changing levels of demand (out of stock) Volume: 41,758,500,000 The
Toilet Paper Token will go on sale April 1st, 2020 on Shitake Exchange.
All wipers must take the Ply Count quiz, which mathematically determines the
correct number of TPT that wipers can purchase on a monthly basis. Once
tokens are sent to the company, they are burned to prevent companies from
holding large amounts of TPT and gaining a monopoly on the TPT supply. There
will be a lock-up period for private investors for a period of five minutes.
Holders of TPT token will receive their toilet paper as a delivery. If
quarantine controls in your state or country allow freedom of movement, holders
can also redeem their tokens for toilet rolls at participating
stores. Toilet Paper Token leverages multi-blockchains to buttress its
data fidelity. Our Know-Your-Colon (KYC) process works with our bog-standard
proof-of-wipe chain, facilitating each user’s KYC check that they are able to
wipe by themselves, as users that don’t fall into this category are unable to
participate in the token sale. Our research has shown that the early age of
entry is 3-years-old. The KYC will also entail the installation of an
intravenous IoT plug-in as a suppository to monitor the fibre content in one’s
stomach, which will then feed data into the TPT smut contract to ensure that
tokens are minted dynamically according to the needs of the general
populace. TPT’s proof-of-ply blockchain will ensure the immutability of the ply
count of the toilet paper rolls that have been purchased with
ToiletPaperTokens. The proof-of-ply blockchain is connected to the patented Ply
Count algorithm, recording how many tokens have used, and thus how many rolls
you have left. Proof-of-flush keeps track of how many toilet paper rolls
each TPT wiper has used in order to prevent going over the allotted quota. This
will be functionally similar to how some projects burn or destroy tokens. Mary
Ploppins used to ply her trade in the paper towel industry before she discovered
the possibilities of working directly in toilet paper. With a master’s
degree in textile design, she utilized her creative background and long
experience in paper products to come up with a unique solution to the
toilet paper crisis that rocked the world during the COVID-19 pandemic.
Peter Peuop comes to TPT after toiling his trade as an account manager and
support representative for several years at an ecologically-friendly composting
startup. Eager to enter the crypto field, Peuop also worked in traditional
finance at a custodian bank in the early 2000s. He now spends most of his days
rick-rolling unsuspecting victims. John Splashington got his start in
toilet paper from a young age, pioneering the innovative idea to have the
toilet roll face out, instead of in, making it easier to grab onto. He’s
also known for being a real hardliner if he catches someone not replacing the
toilet roll and leaving just an almost empty roll with a little bit of toilet
paper hanging on that is useless for the next person who needs to go. Like what
you see? Subscribe to our daily newsletter to hear more from us as well as
participate in our daily entertaining polls!
A roll call for all true believers!DISCLAIMER: This article and its contents are an April Fool’s joke, the
Toilet Paper Token does not exist. The evolution of modern day
toilet paper has come a long way. Before the invention of the double,
triple-ply squares, human civilizations used a wide range of objects that could
be sharp and even dangerous to their anatomy. Throughout the years, rocks, corn
cobs and pieces of wood were utilized, while softer solutions, like communal
sponges were used by the ancient Romans. The wealthy preferred fabrics like wool
or lace that posed less of a threat to the body’s vulnerable parts. The
modern-day concept of toilet paper was conceived in China in the
6th century. When paper became mass produced, newspapers were widely distributed
and reused as toilet paper. Commercial toilet paper made a splash
on the scene in 1857. Marketed as a medical product that prevented hemorrhoids,
they were priced at a modern equivalent of $12 for 500 sheets. Although modern
industrialization has been able to successfully produce toilet paper for
decades, the alarms sounded by the COVID-19 pandemic have made toilet
paper a commodity of extremely high demand — so high, in fact, that it was out
of stock in stores worldwide and caused societal unrest among
customers. In November 2019, toilet paper consumption was at about
10 billion rolls per month worldwide, with an average of two rolls
purchased per month for personal use. Due to corona, rates have increased
by one roll per person on average (monthly), with quarantine and stay at home
notices by the government that subsequently have forced citizens to
purchase more toilet paper for home use. By late February 2020,
roll usage skyrocketed to 15 billion rolls globally. TPT utilizes “smut
contracts” to keep track of the total number of rolls that users
(hereafter referred to as wipers) have purchased, and also maintains a
record of how many rolls you are guaranteed. With TPT, users can purchase
toilet paper online to avoid increased exposure to ‘Rona and take
advantage of the Ply Count algorithm that calculates how much
toilet paper each household is entitled to receive. The
implication of this system is no more hoarding or grocery store fights for the
last set of rolls. Should stores run out of stock, TPT holders will be
the first customers to be notified of restocking the preferred customers to
receive supplies. Holding TPT ensures wiper integrity and the fair distribution
of toilet paper worldwide, which ultimately contributes to TPT’s mission:
saving humanity from regressing downwards to the first two levels of Maslow’s
needs hierarchy. Our dignified roll is to maintain our position at our rarefied
spot at the “turd level,” where love and belonging abounds. In order to buy TPT,
interested wipers must register and take the Ply Count Quiz, which will
determine the amount of TPT they are entitled to purchase through the use
of the Ply Count algorithm. The quiz questions will range from the number
of members of your household to the existence of preexisting gastrointestinal
issues. Once you get your allocation of TPT, you can redeem the tokens
for toilet paper. When you have used all of your tokens, our
patented Ply Count algorithm will allocate the amount of tokens you are
able to purchase to restock. 1 TPT = USD $1.64 Market crap: $85,583,000,000
Total supply: 8 billion Scattering supply: Dynamically issued in response
to changing levels of demand (out of stock) Volume: 41,758,500,000 The
Toilet Paper Token will go on sale April 1st, 2020 on Shitake Exchange.
All wipers must take the Ply Count quiz, which mathematically determines the
correct number of TPT that wipers can purchase on a monthly basis. Once
tokens are sent to the company, they are burned to prevent companies from
holding large amounts of TPT and gaining a monopoly on the TPT supply. There
will be a lock-up period for private investors for a period of five minutes.
Holders of TPT token will receive their toilet paper as a delivery. If
quarantine controls in your state or country allow freedom of movement, holders
can also redeem their tokens for toilet rolls at participating
stores. Toilet Paper Token leverages multi-blockchains to buttress its
data fidelity. Our Know-Your-Colon (KYC) process works with our bog-standard
proof-of-wipe chain, facilitating each user’s KYC check that they are able to
wipe by themselves, as users that don’t fall into this category are unable to
participate in the token sale. Our research has shown that the early age of
entry is 3-years-old. The KYC will also entail the installation of an
intravenous IoT plug-in as a suppository to monitor the fibre content in one’s
stomach, which will then feed data into the TPT smut contract to ensure that
tokens are minted dynamically according to the needs of the general
populace. TPT’s proof-of-ply blockchain will ensure the immutability of the ply
count of the toilet paper rolls that have been purchased with
ToiletPaperTokens. The proof-of-ply blockchain is connected to the patented Ply
Count algorithm, recording how many tokens have used, and thus how many rolls
you have left. Proof-of-flush keeps track of how many toilet paper rolls
each TPT wiper has used in order to prevent going over the allotted quota. This
will be functionally similar to how some projects burn or destroy tokens. Mary
Ploppins used to ply her trade in the paper towel industry before she discovered
the possibilities of working directly in toilet paper. With a master’s
degree in textile design, she utilized her creative background and long
experience in paper products to come up with a unique solution to the
toilet paper crisis that rocked the world during the COVID-19 pandemic.
Peter Peuop comes to TPT after toiling his trade as an account manager and
support representative for several years at an ecologically-friendly composting
startup. Eager to enter the crypto field, Peuop also worked in traditional
finance at a custodian bank in the early 2000s. He now spends most of his days
rick-rolling unsuspecting victims. John Splashington got his start in
toilet paper from a young age, pioneering the innovative idea to have the
toilet roll face out, instead of in, making it easier to grab onto. He’s
also known for being a real hardliner if he catches someone not replacing the
toilet roll and leaving just an almost empty roll with a little bit of toilet
paper hanging on that is useless for the next person who needs to go. Like what
you see? Subscribe to our daily newsletter to hear more from us as well as
participate in our daily entertaining polls!